There are people who didn't answer

There are people who didn't answer.

When I wrote this letter to tell our extended family and friends about the Batsman's diagnosis with autism, I wrote it from my heart. It took me days to craft the words until the Captain and I felt ok about them. We knew we didn't have the time or the emotional energy to have lots of different conversations with people to tell them about our boy. It was enough of a challenge to survive from the beginning of one day to the end. But we did want to tell people and tell them in a respectful and meaningful way. We wanted to give the people in our lives a small window into the journey we are travelling with our little boy. We wanted to be honest. We wanted to be real. We wanted to share with them how we are feeling as his parents. We wanted to give them information. We wanted to tell them that we are ok and that everything is going to be ok, maybe to convince ourselves as much as anything.

And so, I wrote the letter. We emailed it to our large extended families and our friends, people we see a lot and a little, people who are near and far. We sent it to everyone that we thought cared about us and about the Batsman. It was a big step to push send on that email and I had all kinds of feelings flood through me when that email would have been making its way into all those inboxes.

In the days after I sent that email, we received so many beautiful emails, letters and cards. Heartfelt, insightful, supportive and loving messages. Almost a month has passed since I sent the letter, a busy, crazy, chaotic month. This week it hit me.

There are people who didn't answer our letter.

Silence. No email. No phone call. No text message. Nothing.
It astonishes me that someone could receive a letter like the one we sent and just not respond. But mamas I know in the very beautiful baby lost community tell me that when they shared an event as massive as the death of their child with the people around them by letter or email, that this happened to them too. They shared their tragedy, their grief, the loss of their child while trying to work out how to take their own next breath... and there were people who didn't answer.

I don't understand. It makes me angry. I feel sad that we live in a world where people are unable, incapable or choose not to respond to someone sharing something significant to them, a loss, a diagnosis, a great challenge, a need...whatever that may be. The people who didn't answer our letter about the Batsman are not people in our closest, inner circle of friends. But they are people we will see in the weeks and months ahead. I don't intend to use energy beyond writing this post to think too much about this issue, but I am curious about what kinds of conversations we will have when we do see these people again.

Has this kind of thing ever happened to you? What did you do? How did you feel? Why do you think there were people who didn't answer?

I want to end this post on a positive note. We are so very grateful for the support we have received since I pushed "send" a month ago. We have many truly wonderful people in our lives. The Captain and I know that out there in our circle there is a great deal of grace, integrity, courage and love and we are so glad that our Batsman and Bowler get to grow up with that surrounding them.
xx