When he is sick

When the Batsman is sick, he is such a different little boy.
There's no easy way to say this.
Our beautiful boy seems so very much more "with autism" when he is unwell.

This week our little man has had a chest and throat infection including his body temperature soaring higher than it ever has before. He has slept with me each night and I have fretted while his skin burns and his body writhes, searching for any comfortable position.

He's different.
His eye contact drops away.
His expressive language decreases markedly.
He finds it so very difficult to tell us what is wrong, where it hurts, what we can do to make him more comfortable.
He is scatty and less able to receive information.
He whimpers.
His eyes are like huge puddles, tears at the ready. He doesn't have any understanding of why he feels so bad.
He withdraws and to watch from afar is to see him almost retreat into himself. It's like a part of him is "away" and his whole mind, body and spirit are working so hard just to keep him present in some small way.
I know that most kids have a different presence when they are unwell but this feels more than that.
Part of his spirit goes somewhere else, the sparkle missing.

It breaks my heart.

And then, just like that, the antibiotics kick in and he is back. The vulnerability lifts a little, the sparkle and the humour returns.

He's with us again. The Batsman is ready to fight and love another day.