The lonely life

It can be a lonely life sometimes, this autism child rearing gig. Lonely and isolating.
I don't always feel like this, but this week I do.

I'm feeling the drudgery this week, of ABA session after session, of the schedule, the routine and much of it, at least in my head, is alone.

The Batsman is having a second year of kindergarten next year along with his therapy program. I am happy with that and know it is very much the right decision for him. Being happy about our decision doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when I hear all the mums and kids at kinder talking about school orientation sessions, uniforms and exciting ready for school stuff. They are his peers, they are moving on and it feels a little like time will stand still for us. I am thoroughly daunted by another new group of kinder parents, of trying to forge new connections, of questions about the Batsman and autism. I'm just not sure that I have the emotional energy for it all over again. At least not right now.

The other part of the lonely equation which becomes more apparent as time passes is the friendships from "before" that have largely fallen by the wayside. The highly scheduled life we lead means there is precious little time left to nurture friendships. There are so many people where months have now passed between contacts, lots of them are busy too and some I think, find it difficult to come and be in our world where the daily autism struggles, highs and lows rule much of our existence. There are so many who gloss over our experience, who rarely scratch the surface with a question like "So how are you going with it all". It makes me sad. I miss those connections.

While some have gone missing, they are, at least in part, replaced by the many amazing people who have come into our lives since autism became a household word. There are wonderful therapists of many disciplines who give their all to help our boy be all he can be. There are other autism mums and dads who understand the struggles, the wins and the losses but sadly are also themselves too time poor to devote to new friendships. And there are the friends made through this, through blogging, who have come to mean so much in terms of connection, of understanding, of simply "getting it". No matter how lonely I feel at times, the online world is somewhere I always feel like I can go to communicate and be heard. Thank you.

Image from We Heart It